Post-Mortem Comeback Syndrome

It strikes in the shower, or mid-sentence days later. The flawless comeback arrives, glowing and useless. You whisper it into the void. The void agrees.

The Annoyance

The brain lags behind reality. The mouth closes, the body leaves, and suddenly your neurons deliver brilliance no one will ever hear. You replay the scene, rewriting history that remains unchanged.

The Absurd Diagnosis

Condition: Conversational Necromancy.

Symptoms: late-stage wit, lingering humiliation, repetitive mental theater. May cause spontaneous mumbling or invisible revenge fantasies. Often triggered by confrontation, caffeine, or self-awareness.

A Low-Key Cure

Let the comeback die with dignity. Hold a short internal service. Fold the phrase neatly into your pocket and call it wisdom. The living rarely deserve your best material.

The Witty Insight

Every unsaid line feeds the soul’s compost. From it grows silence sharp enough to cut through future nonsense.

Conclusion

You don’t lose arguments. You just time-travel badly. The perfect line will wait for another life, another dinner party, another collapse. Until then, let it haunt you elegantly.