Doomscrolling Addiction
"Your thumb’s in a parasocial K-hole."
The void stares back… and you keep scrolling. Your nightly ritual is half bad news, half coping memes.
Energetic Diagnosis
Pineal gland overstimulated. Eyes dry. Vibe wrecked. Psychic field leaking through 4G.
Prescribed Dose
- Turn off notifications. Turn on incense.
- Replace one scroll with a walk or absurd journaling.
- Wear something that reminds you to log out of other people's chaos.
Suggested Remedies
- Celtic Goddess Triage
- Ready to Wear
- Talk to the attending
Prognosis
Symptoms lessen when your nervous system stops being held hostage. Reintroduce beauty and absurdity daily for best results.
Active Clinical Trials
Experimental prescriptions currently available for trial. Limited availability, early access to symbolic armor before general release.