General Malaise: Treatment & Remedy Guide
"Not sick enough to lie down. Not well enough to stand up."
A non-specific ache in your soul. Vibes are off. Time is soup. You’re functioning, technically — but only in the way a haunted printer does.
Energetic Diagnosis
Your aura is beige. Your chakras are playing dead. No one can tell if you need help or just a nap and a croissant.
Prescribed Dose
- Put on something unnecessarily meaningful.
- Drink water like it’s a sacred ritual.
- Say no to one thing that dehydrates your spirit.
Suggested Remedies
- Celtic Goddess Triage
- Ready to Wear
- Talk to the attending
Prognosis
Left untreated, malaise morphs into metaphysical mold. But with gentle ritual and minor rebellion, vitality can reboot.
Active Clinical Trials
Experimental prescriptions currently available for trial. Limited availability, early access to symbolic armor before general release.
Related Protocols
Explore other lab protocols and tools designed to help you navigate decision fatigue, burnout, and wardrobe challenges.
Aura Entanglement
You’re carrying energies that aren’t yours. Again....
Chronic Craving for Meaning
You’re allergic to small talk and starving for soul food....
Chronic People-Pleasing
You’d apologise to a lamp post for bumping into it....
ERIS Protocol
Gamified slot machine outfit generator that removes decision fatigue. ADHD-friendly wardrobe lab with dopamine hits to motivate getting dressed.
Patron Saint Triage
Discover your wardrobe guardian through a quick 10-question triage. Find your patron saint: Eris, Athena, Aphrodite, or Hestia.
The Attending
Consult with The Attending for your digital diagnosis and symbolic prescription. Interactive consultation system.